Ketamine therapy. How did I get here? For a long time, I’ve been carrying a weight that feels impossible to put down. The kind of pain that lingers no matter how much time passes. Some of it stems from loss – losing my son Moses shattered something in me that I haven’t been able to repair. Some of it comes from the deep wounds left by betrayal and abuse, experiences that rewired the way I see the world and myself. I’ve tried to push through, to heal, to move forward, but the past has a way of clinging to me, dragging me back into darkness when I least expect it.

Despite trying different treatments, I felt like I was fighting an uphill battle with no end in sight. That’s what led me to seek ketamine therapy. I had heard about its potential for helping people in deep emotional pain, and after careful consideration, I decided it was time to try something new. It wasn’t an easy decision. There’s always the fear of wasting time and money on another treatment that might not work. But at this point, I was willing to take the chance.

My First Ketamine Therapy Experience

I arrived at the clinic a little before my appointment time, feeling nervous but ready. The staff was kind and welcoming, helping ease some of my anxiety. After taking medications to prevent nausea and headaches, I settled into the reclining chair, put on my eye mask and headphones, and let the IV infusion begin.

At first, I simply listened to the music. Then, about ten minutes in, the experience fully took hold. I felt like I melted into the space around me. My body became heavy but it didn’t matter because I was floating, my sense of time distorted, and I floated in and out of awareness. The visuals weren’t vivid or colorful, mostly dark shades with muted shapes but the sensations were powerful. I felt like I was floating in every direction, completely untethered.

At times, I got scared. I worried I wasn’t breathing, even though I was. At one point, I thought I might throw up, which was terrifying when I felt so disconnected from my body. Pushing the call button was difficult because my arm was heavy and hard to control but when the nurses arrived, their presence grounded me. I was safe. Eventually, the effects faded, and I came back to myself. But when it was over, I felt like I hadn’t arrived to my destination. There wasn’t a grand realization or a sudden shift in my mind. I worried what if this didn’t work? What if I had wasted my time and money?

Ketamine – The Day After

Treatment was yesterday. Yesterday was rough. I was exhausted and tearful, overwhelmed and had the fear that nothing had changed. But today, I feel lighter. Brighter. I know this is a process and I need more treatments to see change. I have a lot of inner work to do too. The headache is still there, and I’m a bit tired, but there’s a subtle difference. Maybe it’s just a good day. Maybe it’s something more. Either way, I’ll take it.

Ketamine – Looking Ahead

My next treatment is Saturday afternoon. Now that I know what to expect, I feel more prepared. I’ll set a clear intention focusing on letting go of the bad thoughts that weigh me down and I’ll ask for a slightly higher dose. I’m hopeful that this session will take me closer to where I need to go.

This is just the beginning of my journey with ketamine therapy. I don’t know what’s ahead, but I do know that I’m not giving up. If this can help me find a way forward, then it’s worth it.

If you’ve ever considered ketamine treatment or are struggling with your own mental health, you’re not alone. I’ll continue sharing my experience, the good and the bad, in the hopes that it helps someone else who feels as lost as I have. Here’s to hoping Saturday brings more clarity and if not, then at least another step forward.

If you’ve been through ketamine therapy, I’d love to hear about your experience. Let’s start a conversation.